So…You’re in There


July 18, 2011- You’ve been in my belly for 13 weeks…I only found out 4 days ago.

Hello little baby. I feel kind of silly writing to you. Other mummies have recommended I do it, and I do have a lot to say to you, but you don’t exist in my life yet so I feel strange.

In the same breath I write that I feel extatic. You will be the most impartial critiquer of my writing. I hold my breath before I send a draft of anything and clinch every muscle in my body when an editor comes back with their criticisms and clean ups. You’re just my impartial little wombling. You’ll say nothing.

Though some day you may read this and know that I love you from the moment I knew you were inside me. Daddy loves you too.

How about I tell you the story of how we came to know about you? I had just moved from Nova Scotia to Vancouver about three months prior. Your dad and I had been living apart. I lived and worked in West Africa and daddy patiently waited for me to return.

When I did, I moved to Vancouver. We had only been together a short time and discussed having children some day but we didn’t know you would come into our lives so soon. I started feeling a little sick which is a side effect of you being in my body and I was very sleepy from my body working so hard to create you. I didn’t know why at the time.I had contracted a couple of infections in Africa and thought I was fending the, off and adjusting to living in a new place.

Daddy and I weren’t planning on having you for at least another year.

I was referred by my doctor for  urinary bladder ultrasound as I was sure the weird tummy things that were going on were just a lingering parasite.

One night I just couldn’t take it anymore and I bought a test to let me know if I was pregnant. Your Dad and I took a look at it and read the instructions, we came to the conclusion the test was negative. We weren’t having you. I went to bed.

Two week’s later I was looking at you on a screen……the Urinary Bladder Ultrasound quickly became an Obstetrical one.

Your dad hadn’t read the pregnancy test correctly……

Deep down I was so happy and instantly decided I would treat you the best way I could. It was a confusing time for your Ma and Pa. I was not working and finding my way in a new city. I was 30 years old and ready to be a mom but didn’t feel very financially equipped to support you. But-we decided we would make it work. Because your ma and pa loved the idea of you even more.

So- now we are three and a bit months pregnant with you. You make me tired less and less but when I sleep I am so careful not to sleep on my belly so as not to crush you, even though you are only a little bigger than a tangerine. I have started practicing yoga especially for mummies so I can keep myself healthy. The only thing I struggle with is your little sweet tooth. I used to love salads and vegetables but you have changed that. You like chocolate, ice cream and peanut butter and jam sandwiches. You have bewitched your mom’s diet….but you are forgiven.

I hope you start liking fish and vegetables so I can feed your little brain and make you the smartest little Steele-Schuler you can be. Here is a picture of you at 13 weeks old. Maybe you can see it some day. I love you little bean.


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